Ep 143: Feelings Check-In. The Many Seasons of "Work", A New Mullet, Cigarettes in Paris, Dumb Draft Tweets

[00:00] We have a big day here. You are debuting your mullet. Hard launch. It's a mullet hard launch here. The Feelings Check-In is a podcast for people who love to listen to two women overshare about the challenges of building a business, navigating careers in tech, and trying to have a personal life. I'm Natasha Hoskins. I'm Dina Burke. And this is Boys Club. Wait, is it just Boys Club? It's just Boys Club. [00:25] The boys club podcast. No, no. [00:28] Just boys club. [00:29] How do we feel like it's hanging together here today? I feel like it's hanging together pretty well. I will say, I'm going to be honest. I really didn't want you to get a mullet because your husband has a mullet and your child has a mullet. And it's too many mullets for one household. [00:42] I think there should be a one mullet rule. The one child rule, but one mullet rule for Nashville, Tennessee. Yeah, we're a 75% mullet here. Which is insane. So I was like really anti. Yeah. And... [00:56] For that reason, not because I didn't think it would look good on you, but because of that. And then you got it. I also feel like you're secretly, you don't want me... [01:06] You don't like it when I present mask. [01:07] I don't like when you go more butch. I don't like when you go really butch. I really don't like it. So I think part of it, part of the mullet is that. So a little resistance. It is. Totally. It's resistance towards that. I'm just like, you're a beautiful woman. Can you just lean into that a little bit? [01:23] and so anyway but it looks great and I think that the woman who when you cut it she styled it really well and I think you're really like close I think a few more times and you're gonna get exactly what she had you think how are you feeling about the style uh well Miranda told me that it looked more masculine this morning and she was it does look more masculine and we were we her and I were both celebrating that I'm sure you were I'm sure you guys were that's absolutely a surprise to literally

[01:53] She like left this part here. I like that. Yeah. There's a little bit of a, for the listener, a little side bang. She left some length on the side. And, and I think that when you, when she styled, when she styled it, she left that. I think it looks so cute. It's so like Alexa Chung. [02:08] It's a little cute. [02:09] It looks great. I think anyway, I think it looks great. Anyway, hard launch. The mullet, the mullet is here. It's here to stay. I'm happy for you. I'm so happy for you. I think you feel excited about it. I do. It is a lot of styling, but. Oh, okay. My other note was that I thought you wouldn't style it. And I thought you would put like a weird headband on all the time and just be like really leaning into like a mask energy that I just like can't get on board with [02:39] I'm Natasha and this is Dina. Hi. The format of this podcast on Wednesdays is that we share our feelings and sometimes we find that very easy to do and sometimes we find that very challenging to do and sometimes we bring friends on to talk about their feelings and today it's just the two of us. Just us and our feelings. Gotta look squarely at them. [02:58] We've got to look at dead in the eye. And usually we give each other some notes saying like, hey, I think I'm going to talk about this feeling that's coming up. We don't like rehearse it. It's not like stage. Scripted. Right. It's not scripted. But it's just a little FYI. We've not done that today because we're just going off the cuff. We're going in just raw dogging. We're raw dogging. I do want to say just for the listener, one more note on the feed, the new format for the podcast.

[03:26] We have talked about this a bit, but just in case you missed it, the podcast is now two podcasts. [03:31] we have malware [03:33] which is tech news, conversational, fun, funny, learning together. That hits on Friday. And then the feelings check-in, which is this podcast is going to hit every Wednesday. The feelings check-in is just us and our feelings. And like Natasha said, maybe some friends, sometimes very feelings first. [03:46] It's not that serious technical. It's us talking about our lives and our careers and [03:52] just shooting the shit and malware is news centered. So that's what you're getting. Here you are. That's where we landed after a few weeks of interrogation on the feed and with our listeners. So I don't know. Let us know what you think. Yeah. We're always open and welcome feedback. So that's what's going on. [04:11] Hey, Natasha. So a question we get asked a lot is, what do you look for in a crypto platform? So let's talk about it. Well, Dina, I look for a secure, no fuss platform that I can dive into right away. That's why I love today's sponsor, Kraken. If you're waiting for the right time to get into crypto, Kraken makes it super easy and intuitive to get started. Plus, if you get stuck, they have an award-winning client support team that's available 24-7, along with a bunch of educational guides, articles, and videos to help you along the way. If you're ready to check out [04:40] to kraken.com backslash boys club and see what crypto can be not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. Cryptocurrency services are provided to us and us territory customers by payward ventures, incorporated PVI DBA kraken view PVI's disclosure at kraken.com backslash legal backslash disclosures.

[05:00] So we're coming in raw, [05:03] raw jogging and feeling i have no idea what feeling you're about to share with me so first of all i feel like i need to give a paris update because let's hear it my followers seem to like it my followers i mean nicole who i love who sent a really sweet tweet the other day who's not a follower but a friend in fact so it's going well i'm having a great time i have made some friends i went to berries today and on my walk home ran into a friend which i was like [05:29] I'm a local. Such a good feeling. It was such a good feeling. Lori, shout out. So great. We're going to do for folks who don't know. Natasha's been in Paris for the past three, four weeks and has another two weeks there and is on her own. So solo. So it's a big, it's a big solo trip. And I don't think you've ever done that before. Have you? I've never done that. Well, no, I moved to Argentina when I was 16 by myself, but that was different. That was very different. I was like in a hostel. It was, [05:59] But this is yeah, this is different. It's been a long time since I've been solo travel. So yeah, it was a really nice feeling running into somebody's day. I was also like, wow, been here three weeks. And look at me community just happening before my eyes. So there's other updates. But you know, my croissants are catching up to me. And I'm just like, live, laugh, loving it. It's fine. [06:17] Totally. So that's that. I have a feeling that's been coming up around. [06:24] the work. [06:25] and around a responsibility that I feel to the work where if you know me at all and I

[06:32] if you know Dina at all. [06:34] You... [06:35] I'll speak for myself that, um, [06:38] I love my work a lot. It is my whole personality a lot of the time. And it's really [06:45] Important to me. It's where I find fulfillment. It's where I find creative inspiration. It's what makes me [06:51] love a lot of my life is the feeling that the work that I do every day is important to me and satisfies this sense of meaning and belonging. And [07:04] That's, I think, why I've always started my own businesses. And it's just a really, it's a drive that is central to my personality. And it's impossible to untangle myself. [07:16] That from my personal life. There's no separation of church and state. [07:20] in my life between my work and my personal life. And [07:25] in some ways that's really beneficial and in some ways that's really tough and detrimental and [07:31] I... [07:33] have felt that there's, [07:36] been a lot going on in my personal life that I am fully unwilling to get into in this podcast, but... [07:42] it has made... [07:43] a cloud. [07:45] on the work and made it very difficult to show up to the work and feel excited and [07:53] enthusiastic and driven to care about, well, I didn't expect to get emotion out, but like, yeah, it just felt really, really, really hard to like show up here.

[08:07] And be turn on my ring light and talk about anything. And, um, I think it would feel a lot easier. My life were more compartmentalized. If I, um, [08:19] I don't know, worked a job and like clocked in and clocked out and like that is not my experience. That's never been my experience to my job or my work and I'm really, really grateful for that and [08:29] Genuinely, like... [08:31] optimized for that over a lot of other things like money and sanity and a bunch of other stuff. Anyway, so that has been really difficult. [08:43] I... [08:46] feel guilty in our relationship that, oh my gosh, wow, I'm like kind of sad about it. I didn't really think I would be like really sad. Like, I just feel bad that I feel bad that I haven't shown up in a way that I want to, to boys club. [09:02] And, um, [09:03] I just wanted to have like a feelings check-in with you. Oh, Natasha. I know. I know that we're like friends and... [09:11] like really good friends that sounded so like like a distant like we're acquaintances i know we're [09:20] you're what my very best friend and you know all of that and i know that you have a lot of time and [09:27] me in all of the things in my life right now, but I, I, [09:32] you [09:33] Thank you. [09:34] I do. Yeah. I just want to like check in and make sure that I don't know. I feel guilty. I feel guilty about it. Yeah. I want to grant you freedom from that feeling because there's it's

[09:46] You have a lot of other feelings that you need to be thinking about and working on and feeling guilty. [09:52] to me [09:53] about showing up to the work in whatever way is not you don't need to at all it's not like i i love you and i i know you're going you're going through it and [10:05] I think that [10:07] We all have... [10:09] go through waves of showing up to the work in a way that's really positive and motivated and juiced and like ready to go and ready to take it on. And those seasons are really exciting. And we've lived through them and had them both together and have been aligned in that energy at the same time. And that's really powerful. And then there are moments when either you or me or both are, are not, are not, not that we're not aligned with each other, but like not in tune [10:39] And I think that [10:41] Honestly, just as much as you're saying that that's how you're showing up to the work, that's kind of how I feel like I've been showing up to the work too. And it's a slightly different form. [10:51] And the way I'm showing up is maybe different or maybe it's the same. I don't know. But like, I don't feel, I don't feel fully locked in on. [10:59] the work that we've been doing [11:01] recently either. And so I think like, it's totally two sided. And I if just as much to bring to that too. So I don't want you to feel any any way about it. I think that [11:13] Honestly, like there has been part of it, I think both in your like...

[11:17] what you're going through in your personal life and then how that works. [11:23] sort of then reflects onto the work and then same for me is I've kind of had a little bit of a freedom from it where I'm like, oh, my identity. [11:33] isn't the work. [11:35] And I know that that's something that you [11:38] maybe want to hold on to in a way and that is maybe healthy for you and productive for you and your relationship to your work. But I think that I've [11:46] over the past couple months been like, [11:48] Oh, okay. [11:49] Boys Chavez. [11:51] it's not me [11:53] Yeah. [11:53] And that's probably reflected in the work. But I also think like there's like a mental health, [11:59] aspect of it that that is you're the you're the meme you're creed you're it's a little healthy yeah I think it's like I do think that when your work identity and your personal identity are too [12:11] intertwined that the highs and lows are just a lot more pronounced. And I've honestly been feeling like a lot more grounded lately because I'm like getting offline more and like not thinking about boys club. [12:23] like 110 of the time so anyway i all that to say i don't want you to feel any way i appreciate the check-in but i i'm harboring no ill will at all um [12:32] and feel just as responsible to [12:35] it. [12:36] And I think for me, where it's coming from is just like a lack of inspiration. [12:40] Just like. [12:43] I've said this five times over the past 24 hours, but the scene is too small. [12:46] And I'm just like really feeling that and feeling just fatigued by it. But anyway,

[12:54] So just let it go, babe. [12:58] Work on some other stuff. [13:01] I love you a lot. Thank you for... [13:03] the, the, thank you for freeing me from my, from my guilt. And I am happy for you. Like I've seen that transition and I think in your spirit and in your relationship to the work. And I think there's, I think it's beautiful and I'm jealous. And, uh, but I'm genuinely like, my feeling is happy for you and happy that that has happened. And I think it's also, um, [13:28] I think there's like a weird transitional moment for us both around it, separately in our stuff that's happening. And I think that that... [13:36] I have a real belief that on the other side of that, the work is going to be [13:40] fresher [13:41] and better and I really believe that like in my heart and and know that and I think that's [13:47] The gift of having a long partnership with somebody is you have the muscle memory of the ups and downs and like how and when people get locked in and what is needed to get to the other side of feeling like fired or excited or a rejuvenation around like the brand or whatever. [14:03] in this case, the properties and all this stuff that we have going on. And [14:08] Yeah, I think it's a little bit of like a trust the process moment, I think for us both around. [14:13] Boys Club and around how we continue to evolve the business. And I think the pressure of the scene being too small, which when you said that it literally [14:22] landed in [14:23] my bones, like I felt it in my bones. And I,

[14:28] I think that's a pressure that's good for a boys club because it's a, it forces us out of, [14:35] the same, the memes and the thing and the thing. It's like, okay, what's on the other side and what's more interesting and what's the work that we're excited to do. And yeah, [14:43] I don't know if I talked about this on this podcast, but I was talking with a friend. [14:46] about Boys Club and one of the things they talked about was [14:51] I was like obsessing over a certain part of it. And they were like, you're thinking about the flower. Like all you're thinking about is the flower and you need to be thinking about the pot. And yeah, [15:01] what gives the pot light and soil and water and what's like nourishing to it. And then the flower will come and, um, [15:09] That has been, I've really been thinking about that a lot and [15:13] coming back to what makes me feel excited and inspired and [15:18] That's the whole reason you take on [15:21] the stress and [15:23] anxiety and difficulty of running your own business [15:26] And, you know, [15:27] all the other things that we've talked about that's hard about having your own business is that you get to decide what you wake up and work on every day. And you get to use the like personal motivation and ambition that, [15:38] drives you every day to... [15:41] do work that you love and that you feel is important. And so I think there's a little bit of like recentering back to that for, I think both of us in different ways that is really healthy. And I have a deep belief we'll produce much more interesting things for boys club on the other side. So that's the feelings. That's a great feeling. I feel happy that we've shared it. I wonder if people have felt it from us. Yeah, probably. They're like, yeah, no shit.

[16:11] uninspired and I was like uh yeah [16:14] we we get that we picked up on it I hope not too much I hope not too much too I hope not too much too and I just do want to say I still love the work it's not like I'm like I'm out of here [16:28] It's not at all that. It's just being honest about it sometimes... [16:32] it shifts the relationship to it totally i i totally i am taking for granted in this conversation that people know that we feel so we love the work and feel so privileged to be able to do it and like that's table stakes so anything that we're saying is just like [16:46] on top of that and like with that fully recognized by us and I hope by you too. One thing that I want to end on here is Emily Lai. Shout out to Emily Lai. She's so great. She's this incredible growth marketer in crypto. Anyway, her and I were DMing yesterday and she sent me something. I'm going to just say this message. I think it's fine for me to share this, but now that I'm saying it, I'm like, maybe I shouldn't. Let's rip it. She says, I've been thinking about how lifestyle brands [17:10] are like people which are complex fluid identities it can change ebb and flow so there's really no [17:15] quote unquote fucking up except for stopping. Wow. Wow. It was really powerful. It was really, really powerful and really astute. I felt, and I think also reflects this moment that we're in with the brand and yeah, like there's going to be seasons of the brand as well because it's this, it's not, um, Kellogg's Kellogg's. Yeah, exactly. And it's so tied to feelings and so tied to the individuals that are in and around working on it and Caitlin and Miranda and Alana. And like,

[17:45] It's going to shift and change. So I thought that was a really good way to be thinking about just lifestyle brands more generally. And then I also, what I wrote back to her, I was like, totally. And they also require the occasional reinvention, which is when you do have a lifestyle brand that is so... [18:01] There are moments when you need to like totally... [18:04] rework it or at least different layers of it I think so that's something that I'm thinking about as well but wow I love that [18:12] tattooed on my forehead i know i know it's really good she's really smart really smart really quick one other thing that i want to say just having like a little bit of mini vulnerability hangover i'm gonna be fine totally [18:25] So no need to like, I don't know. [18:27] Just imagining like a weird Twitter DM that's like, don't worry. Are you okay? Natasha, yeah, for PSA, for the awareness of doubt, Natasha's fine. [18:37] she's just i'm fine eating croissants i'm eating my croissants exactly [18:43] I went on a run the other day and I was just running and running and running. And then I was like, wow. [18:50] I need to cool it on the cigarettes. Like I could like feel it. And I'm not an addict. I'm not, I don't have an addictive personality at all. I could throw them out tomorrow and it would be fine. It's just like, well, I'm here and you know what you have a pack with you that you're carrying around. I've bought the first pack of cigarettes I've ever bought in my life here. Like I have always had a rule. I'm never buying a pack. I've always been someone who is super annoying and is like, can I have a cigarette? Yeah. Or my friends will buy me them. Like when, when,

[19:18] in moments of need. Okay, kind of a loose, loose interpretation of that rule. Well, they'll gift it. No, I'm not like, can you go buy me a pack? It's like, they'll gift me one and be like, it seems like maybe you could use these this month or something. And that's always sort of been how it's been or I'll find a pack. I genuinely believe that God has in certain moments, like, [19:36] I will have found like a fresh pack somewhere. Okay. And I'm like, I gotta tell you, it is reading a little bit like, um, Jonas Brothers chastity pledge when they all just like said that they weren't having sex and they all just like had anal sex and said or whatever it is that they did. Um, but go on. Keep going. Okay. Okay. I really don't smoke that much though. I really don't just, you know me, I have like a cigarette every once in a while, like once a month. [19:58] Also, if you were to smoke, that's okay too. Also fine. Totally. I just, I genuinely don't care. It's more, I don't want to smell like a smoker. Like there's all these things. What about Zin? Why don't you just Zin it up? [20:08] I've thought about Zinn, but I'm very sensitive to caffeine. Okay. So I think I would be like shaky and stuff. I don't know, but maybe let's try it. Let's give it a go. Why not? Anyway, I got here and I had two cigarettes and then the cigarette pack that had been given to me was empty. And I was like, got to do it. There's no other way. I'm here on my own. There's no one here but me. Si vous plaît, monsieur. [20:30] Exactly. So I bought a pack and then I should have just waited because three days later, [20:35] The girl who stayed with me for a few days... [20:38] Great girl. Her name's Em. She's great. She's back in Paris. What a lovely gal. She needed a spot to stay, and she stayed here for a few days, and she's a really nice person. Anyway, she was like, hey, I left these... She left me a pack, and I was like...

[20:50] look at God, won't he do it? Yeah. Anyway, all that to say, I was on a run. I was like, I gotta, got to, I gotta lock that down. So, you know, I don't know. I have two more weeks left. What's the phrase that you, you said to me once that like, [21:04] A baby shows up with a [21:06] Oh, with bread under its arm. Bread under its arm. Yeah. That's like you. Wow. Well, anyway. I, I, uh... [21:15] Do you need support in weaning off? I really don't. I honestly don't. I went on that run Sunday or I went on that run Saturday and then I like haven't. [21:24] I was just like, okay, I'm going to take a few days off and haven't actually even thought about it. I'm like, oh, well, so blessed and highly favored around the addictive process. [21:33] parts of the world, I guess. Thanks for listening to this wackadoo episode. And, um, [21:41] Here's a Kraken ad. [22:11] near instantly. See what crypto can be at kraken.com backslash boys club. Non-investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. Transfers to a third party are not available on Kraken. Cryptocurrency services are provided to US and US territory customers by Payward Ventures, Inc. PVI, DBA, Kraken. View PVI's disclosures at kraken.com backslash legal backslash disclosures. Hi. Hey. Do you have any draft tweets? I know you have a good one, so let's start with yours.

[22:41] and I want your help on it. And then one that I really like that I'll never tweet. Okay. Okay. Okay. [22:48] First one here. [22:49] It's all protocol this and protocol that. But what about just a call? [22:54] oh great that's great do you think that's good I mean I thought I needed some workshopping but you really laugh I think it's pretty clear I think it's pretty clear I think you just ripped that one okay okay it's send to send it off send it on its way I don't want people to think I'm tweeting them though because it's actually not a sub tweet it's coming from Steph Alindzik had a great tweet a few months back that was it's all points this and points that but what about just a [23:24] Like, [23:25] wanting something soft, being like, [23:27] you know, whatever. But if you think it works. I think it totally works. And just, [23:31] Yes, for the avoidance of doubt, there's no subtweeting. [23:34] There's no subtweeting. Like no subtweeting generally. Generally, yeah. Okay. The next one I will never... [23:41] Never tweet this. [23:42] But, and I have to bleep it here for us to release this podcast, but me to my... let's work it out on the remix. It's so funny. It's really good. It's really, really, really, really good. I want to say factually inaccurate, but... [24:01] totally not what's going on. Yeah. But for the bit, for the bit, it's so good. And the thing is, he would think it's so funny, but that's, it's not appropriate. It's not appropriate for right now. But honestly, it came to me in like a dream, like a fever dream, you know, where I was like, oh my gosh, hilarious.

[24:18] Just divine inspiration. I know. It's so, it's such a bummer. Anyway, let's see here. Um, how do you get to drafts on desktop? Oh, okay. Wow. Nothing. It's coming up dry there. Okay. One last thing I have that I really wanted this meme format to take off, but you had a tweet that I thought it was a beautiful format and I wish it had taken off, but it was actually quite challenging to find a tweet. [24:46] I'm a sinner, but my sin would never... [24:48] And then it's a screenshot of something. And yours was never take the form of this headline. And it was a terrible crypto joke that was really in a newsletter that was terrible. But I really like that format. So I think I challenge listeners. Try to take that format. We will put it in the original in the show notes for you to quote tweet. And think about where you're a sinner, but a sin that you would never do. Yeah, it's like admitting that you are a human with faults and errors. [25:18] there's certain lines that you would never cross. [25:20] mm-hmm exactly exactly that's the spirit of the meme format so please take it around with it okay thanks for listening all right bye [25:30] *outro music*